I might have finally come to a conclusion, but i cant bring myself to actually do it. It's like punching someone you hate when you day dream but in reality, it's hard to bring youself to do it..
I wanna move on, but as i promised, i wanna treat her the best i could. I've done too much for her and she's done too much hurt for me. I doubt it's fair, i doubt anyone in this world would even appreciate it. I hate myself, i hate being rich, i hate being who i am.
Maybe i just wanna settle down and stay single for the rest of my life, I no longer have interest in getting into any sort of relationships anymore. I'm just too tired and exhausted from all these to even bother further. Maybe i need some rest, maybe...
My vacation trip to Thailand half spend sleeping away. i was too tired to even move. it's good i had a vacation, even if it meant sleeping away in the hotel. I need more rest, i need more rest....i promise myself i will rest more really soon..
I'll have to give myself more time to think about it, but right now, I'm holding back, i wanna surprise her, but I'm confused if i should just let her have the time off this period. i really need someone to talk to..but who? my social circle is so extremely limited.
I'm slowly starting to feel bad about myself, hate myself. Maybe I'm born this way? i hope not....I hope i'm being correctly really soon...
signing off..