So I'm not really updating this blog regularly, but well, life hasn't really been going well for me. One thing after another, and day after day, I just feel like I'm draining and wasting the life I have, the fun I miss out..
But honestly, I don't know who tO contact to ask out, everyone I ask out either thinks I'm after them or simply ignores me. How great is that? And when that person needs help, they will come look for me, and anything after that is history, like I never existed. It makes me feel super lonely. Where I don't know who my friends are, who will be there for me, and most importantly, who I can rely on..
I spend my weekends working, other than that, I'm at home, just surfing through YouTube watching the stuff I already watched a hundred times, play the game that I will turn off after it launched for 5-10 seconds, lie on the bed and try to sleep more..it's not like I'm not working to earn money, I earn cash well, but I need to have fun too, but apparently that part of me is a major failure..
Looking back now, maybe I shouldn't have treated people so well after all, whats the point when nobody will return the favor when the time comes and I needed it so badly, everyone is selfish from what I can see, and I can't force anyone either, I'm not that type, it's pathetic, I rant out on my blog but sadly nobody can hear me out...
It's almost hitting my limit where I somehow will start falling into depression, in and out of depression, as I struggle to hold onto myself, the only thing so far I manage to do are :
Visit an arcade myself, got bored after 10mins.
Watched a movie alone, surrounded by couples and groups.
A brief walk in the park
Practicing piano
If things can't get worst, here's a bigger bad news, my whole family will be leaving for different countries for their respective purposes, and I'll be home alone for 4-5 days at home. Was thinking bout calling a few friends over but...let's see..I don't have anyone I can call to accompany me..pathetic once again..
I wanna learn to socialize more, but I don't think I'm very good at that, people see me as someone fierce, because the normal face I have appears to be fierce to everyone. SIGH.
Sometimes when I lie in bed, I wonder to myself if I should get a girlf to really accompany me, but then again, I'm very afraid that I'll get taken advantage of, not well appreciated, and instead of getting accompanied, I feel more lonely, so many worries, but well, I'm not thinking about that now..
It's the 4-5 days alone at home that makes me worry more. I really have nothing to do, maybe it's gonna be a typical day thing where :
Wake up
Wash up
Read news
Read business news (not the ones in newspaper,somewhere else)
Prepare lunch
Eat lunch & watch a random YouTube video
Practice piano
Practice piano
Try to compose something
Surf the net
Surf the net
Prepare dinner
Eat dinner & watch a random YouTube video
Clean the cats
Lie on bed
Hopefully doze off early
Well, I don't know, to do these routine daily makes on pe go crazy, it's like the isn't any purpose anymore, I'm just doing the same thing over and over everyday!!
I don't know, I'm praying for some miracle to happen, like someone appears and hopefully chats with me more often, willing to accompany me, well that's all I guess. I don't ask for too much, after all, I learn that money can't buy everything, it only buys happiness to my taste bud and my stomach. But not emotion happiness...
Signing off...